J.J. Abrams' New Project is... A Book?

A book? Really, a book? That trailer was for a book?

Not pictured: books.

I mean, that's cool and everything. I don't have anything against books. I love books -- good ones, at least, and I don't have any reason yet to think that J. J. Abrams can write a really good book. No one goes to see Star Trek for the dialogue. And what's with making a trailer for a literary project? I know it's a growing phenomenon and everything, but who and what exactly are you supposed to show in a book trailer? Who was that guy stumbling around in the surf? J.J. Abrams?

Granted, the last time we got a super mysterious Abrams trailer, it turned out to be Cloverfield, so maybe Abrams just gets off on letdowns.

If you want to read Abrams' book, here's the news about it. We'll hold out for Star Wars. 

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

What's going to depress the hell out of us when Breaking Bad ends?

It might be True Detective, a forthcoming HBO series starring Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey.

You can watch the trailer here.  I've been really impressed by McConaughey's performances in Bernie, Killer Joe, and Mud-- basically everything he's done since he stopped picking movies with names like Ghosts of Girlfriends Past-- and if The Wolf of Wall Street's trailer is any indication he's got another great movie coming out this Oscar season.  I've got a lot of faith in HBO and Detective's two lead actors, so this is a new series I'm really looking forward to.

If nothing else, watch it to see McConaughey's orchestral quality humming.

Stakeout! Fourth American Horror Story: Coven Teaser

So we're beginning to see a bit of a pattern emerging with these American Horror Story teasers. Odd numbers = women hovering in an old house to the strains of "House of the Rising Sun." Even numbers = subverted stereotypical witchcraft imagery, with "bum bum bum" music accompanying.

So in that spirit, here's a couple of CGIed ladies burning... at the stake? Over the stake? Near the stake? Dang, now I'm hungry for steak.

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

Is "Divergent" The Next Hunger Games????

Well, since every other attempt the Next Big Thing in young adult smash hits, we're gonna go out on a limb and say "no."

At any rate, there's a trailer out for Divergent and you can find it here. We're predicting that the average moviegoer will be pretty satiated on movies set in dystopian futures with strong female leads shot in a blue-gray color palate this fall, but hey, you can try.

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

Doom, Gloom, And Godawful Book Adaptations

Oh look, a waif!

Continuing our theme of movies that we are already sure will be terrible, the trailer for The Book Thief is live. You can watch it here. The real trouble starts when the voiceovers begin.

We had similar trepidation last year about the adaptation of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, an incredibly voice-driven novel with a remarkable narrator and truly inventive flashbacks of the father (we cried for days after the Sixth Borrow chapter... we're not totally heartless). The movie trailer, however, indicated that the original story had been effectively neutered into a feel-good spin on a monumental human tragedy, which is already a pretty odious concept in our book. Apparently, the critics agreed, and Extremely Loud was panned. 

If the trailer is any indication, The Book Thief is shaping up to be an equally disappointing, toothless adaptation of the original. The darkness afforded by the book's narrator, Death himself, is completely absent in the trailer. The voiceovers indicate that the morals will be as cheesy as they are ill-defined ("Words will inspire her! Courage will guide her!") and the trailer itself pretty adeptly telegraphs the fact that this movie has nothing to brag about. Cheeck out the title card "From the studio that brought you Life of Pi," which means nothing, plus the boast that the "book was called brilliant," which says nothing about the movie itself.

In our first podcast we talked about how much we hate uplifting human interest war stories, and this looks poised to scrape the sugary bottom of the simpering barrel. We're calling it now -- this movie will be this year's universally-disliked Oscar grubber you'll find in your bargain bin at Wal-Mart next June. We're reading the book instead.

Not pictured: childlike innocence, boundless hope, and the triumph of the human spirit.

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

The First Teasers for American Horror Story: Coven are Live

The first and second teasers for American Horror Story: Coven are live, confirming AHS is once again playing to its primary (only?) strength: an amazing repertoire of very creepy imagery.  Unfortunately, the great, spooky moments at the beginning of season 1 gave way to a pretty disappointing conclusion in the finale and that disappointment turned to total disenchantment once I’d staggered through season 2, American Horror Story: Asylum.  

Because the Asylum casting director thought this man would make a great zombie-making leg-amputing Nazi scientist.

I’m cautiously optimistic about AHS:C.  Both the previous seasons started strong but had a difficult time sustaining an intriguing, coherent narrative over an entire series.  Aslylum, in particular, was  so laughably overcrowded with horror tropes (aliens! Mental hospitals! Demons! Zombies! Nazis!) that all these disparate plotlines had to be hastily solved in its disastrous penultimate episode.  If you haven’t seen it, and don’t mind it spoiled, AHS:A ends something like this: in an unintentionally hilarious sequence, James Cromwell’s character, a secret former Nazi scientist, shoots all the loose-end characters and creatures in the head and then burns himself alive in a crematorium.  In other words, in an unprompted series of murders and suicides, he mercy-kills the storyline, and then himself.  Hopefully the writers of AHS have learned from their mistakes, especially the mistake of overcrowding the plot. But since the Emmys went on to nominate all of the show’s worst performances and thus reinforce this bad behavior, I’m nervous. 

AHS has never been either of the two things I want for it to be: a madcap, balls-to-the-wall, bloody campfest, or a genuinely frightening prestige television drama.  Both the previous seasons have navigated an unsuccessful, uncomfortable middle ground between these two genres.  The casting of Patti LuPone and Cathy Bates seems to suggest they’ve fortified their holdings in both genres, which could be interesting.  On the other hand, AHS is also bringing back some of its perennially weakest performers, including the incredibly un-scary Zachary Quinto and Lily Rabe, who will probably continue to ruin any of the series’ attempts at real horror.  


I’m excited by the premise of AHS:C and its New Orleans setting.  Other than Quinto, Rabe, and Paulson, who I find to be disappointing, the rest of the cast is great, in particular the addition of newcomers Gibourney Sidibe and Angela Bassett.  Finally casting two African American actresses in this show was a necessary move, especially if AHS:C intends to recreate the American South authentically.  So with that, despite my reservations, I’ll certainly be tuning in to this season premier.  Whether I tune in past that is— like the ladies starring in this creepy new trailer— entirely up in the air.  

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

The Fall's First Oscar Contender?

Probably not, but we would just like you all to know this trailer features Lady Gaga, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen as the President of the United States, a knife hidden in an iPhone, and (most importantly) Danny Trejo channeling electricity through a machete, into his body, and into a henchman, killing the henchman while leaving Danny Trejo and the machete unharmed.

We'll start the popcorn.

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!