Beth and Louise (artist's interpretation)

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Nerd Vindication: 50 Shades Fans Are Even Worse than the Batman Set

It's been fun being a diehard Batman fan and laughing at the Ben Affleck/Batman panic. However, I already have a chip on my shoulder about  Fifty Shades of Gray (Fifty Shades is rivaled only by Twilight for brazenly spitting in the face of literature), so it's nice to see that the hard core Fifty Shades crowd is even more of a discredit to humanity than the Batman folks are.

As proof positive, I submit this Variety article wherein a group of fans have created a change.org petition (is this going to start becoming change.org's bread and butter?) to cast Matt Bomer and Alex Bledel in the leads of the 2014 movie.

I'm not going to give you the link to the petition because I'm afraid you freaks might actually sign it, but if you're so inclined to google this I promise that reading this will be the highlight of your morning. For one thing, the petition writers are apparently oblivious about the casting process and seem to think that the actors are basically Sims. Does anyone know if Bomer and Bledel are otherwise occupied with other projects? Or maybe they aren't interested in the part? Maybe they don't particularly like each other? These are actual human beings who can choose, seek out, or reject jobs for their own reasons. You can't just draft them like soldiers and make them appear in your movie.

Furthermore, it's hard to beat the extreme outrage and waxing determination these people are exhibiting as they go about the task of recasting bondage porn. Comments range from the strangely inspirational ("We can do anything, guys! Let's make our voice heard!"), the sidetracked ("Bomer was only rejected because he's gay!") to the laden with inexplicable portmanteaus ("I'm completely Graysessed!").

Apparently I had completely underestimated how badly America wanted to see Rory Gilmore tied up and spanked while delivering cheesy dialogue. Is there such thing as a cheesy dialogue fetish? That would explain a lot about Fifty Shades. Y'all are sick.

Sick, sick, sick.
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