We'll Just Keep Telling You When More American Horror Story Teasers Show Up

By Beth's count we were supposed to get another one with a hovering girl and "House of the Rising Sun." Instead we got this teaser about some poor gal decidedly not hovering and hanging out six feet under.

So someone gets... resurrected? Buried alive? 

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Here's a new, totally not suggestive poster for AHS.

If only this show was as consistently creepy, creative, and effective as its marketing.

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Stakeout! Fourth American Horror Story: Coven Teaser

So we're beginning to see a bit of a pattern emerging with these American Horror Story teasers. Odd numbers = women hovering in an old house to the strains of "House of the Rising Sun." Even numbers = subverted stereotypical witchcraft imagery, with "bum bum bum" music accompanying.

So in that spirit, here's a couple of CGIed ladies burning... at the stake? Over the stake? Near the stake? Dang, now I'm hungry for steak.

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Bitches Be Hoverin'

At least that's what American Horror Story: Coven is promising some more of in its latest trailer. The first line of their House of the Rising Sun cover, and lots of ladies in midair.

If you just can't get enough of ghostly women about three feet off the ground between now and October, here's the first promo with Legos. 

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The First Teasers for American Horror Story: Coven are Live

The first and second teasers for American Horror Story: Coven are live, confirming AHS is once again playing to its primary (only?) strength: an amazing repertoire of very creepy imagery.  Unfortunately, the great, spooky moments at the beginning of season 1 gave way to a pretty disappointing conclusion in the finale and that disappointment turned to total disenchantment once I’d staggered through season 2, American Horror Story: Asylum.  

Because the Asylum casting director thought this man would make a great zombie-making leg-amputing Nazi scientist.

I’m cautiously optimistic about AHS:C.  Both the previous seasons started strong but had a difficult time sustaining an intriguing, coherent narrative over an entire series.  Aslylum, in particular, was  so laughably overcrowded with horror tropes (aliens! Mental hospitals! Demons! Zombies! Nazis!) that all these disparate plotlines had to be hastily solved in its disastrous penultimate episode.  If you haven’t seen it, and don’t mind it spoiled, AHS:A ends something like this: in an unintentionally hilarious sequence, James Cromwell’s character, a secret former Nazi scientist, shoots all the loose-end characters and creatures in the head and then burns himself alive in a crematorium.  In other words, in an unprompted series of murders and suicides, he mercy-kills the storyline, and then himself.  Hopefully the writers of AHS have learned from their mistakes, especially the mistake of overcrowding the plot. But since the Emmys went on to nominate all of the show’s worst performances and thus reinforce this bad behavior, I’m nervous. 

AHS has never been either of the two things I want for it to be: a madcap, balls-to-the-wall, bloody campfest, or a genuinely frightening prestige television drama.  Both the previous seasons have navigated an unsuccessful, uncomfortable middle ground between these two genres.  The casting of Patti LuPone and Cathy Bates seems to suggest they’ve fortified their holdings in both genres, which could be interesting.  On the other hand, AHS is also bringing back some of its perennially weakest performers, including the incredibly un-scary Zachary Quinto and Lily Rabe, who will probably continue to ruin any of the series’ attempts at real horror.  


I’m excited by the premise of AHS:C and its New Orleans setting.  Other than Quinto, Rabe, and Paulson, who I find to be disappointing, the rest of the cast is great, in particular the addition of newcomers Gibourney Sidibe and Angela Bassett.  Finally casting two African American actresses in this show was a necessary move, especially if AHS:C intends to recreate the American South authentically.  So with that, despite my reservations, I’ll certainly be tuning in to this season premier.  Whether I tune in past that is— like the ladies starring in this creepy new trailer— entirely up in the air.  

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!