Robert Friggin' Pattinson Didn't Care Enough to Act in Cosmpolis So Beth Didn't Care Enough To Write A Review Either

So she wrote a recipe to accompany your viewing experience instead.

Not that we actually recommend this movie.

Beth's Cosmopolis Seafood Frittata

Three medium-sized fresh swordfish steaks, fresh (available at specialty markets)

10-20 uncooked medium-sized shrimp (ideally wildcaught)

3/4 cup white truffle mushrooms

3/4 cup high quality port

2 tbsp sevruga caviar

2 tbsp Iranian saffron

3 iPhone 5s, finely chopped

1/2 cup Mercedes 196 car battery, pureed

25 used condoms, patted dry

10-15 grams cocaine (The purer the better, in my experience. I tried it once with crack and it just didn't turn out.)

3 eggs, scrambled

Lightly grease a 9x9 baking pan and layer ingredients. Top with egg mixture. Look. Look at your excess.

"Meh."