OH COME ON

Really? REALLY?

There's talks for a sequel to World War Z?

Apparently, there are rumbles that World War Z will become a trilogy. We're not gonna get our hopes up but maybe this time they will try adapting the actual book. And if they try that, we are holding out for a twelve hour Ken Burns style PBS miniseries with low production values, faked reenactments of historical moments in the Zombie War, talking heads and history professors giving interviews, long pan shots of photographs, and a multi-tape VHS release.

Like this, but make every other soldier a zombie. Yes. Yeeeeeeeeessssssss...

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

Nerd Vindication: 50 Shades Fans Are Even Worse than the Batman Set

It's been fun being a diehard Batman fan and laughing at the Ben Affleck/Batman panic. However, I already have a chip on my shoulder about  Fifty Shades of Gray (Fifty Shades is rivaled only by Twilight for brazenly spitting in the face of literature), so it's nice to see that the hard core Fifty Shades crowd is even more of a discredit to humanity than the Batman folks are.

As proof positive, I submit this Variety article wherein a group of fans have created a change.org petition (is this going to start becoming change.org's bread and butter?) to cast Matt Bomer and Alex Bledel in the leads of the 2014 movie.

I'm not going to give you the link to the petition because I'm afraid you freaks might actually sign it, but if you're so inclined to google this I promise that reading this will be the highlight of your morning. For one thing, the petition writers are apparently oblivious about the casting process and seem to think that the actors are basically Sims. Does anyone know if Bomer and Bledel are otherwise occupied with other projects? Or maybe they aren't interested in the part? Maybe they don't particularly like each other? These are actual human beings who can choose, seek out, or reject jobs for their own reasons. You can't just draft them like soldiers and make them appear in your movie.

Furthermore, it's hard to beat the extreme outrage and waxing determination these people are exhibiting as they go about the task of recasting bondage porn. Comments range from the strangely inspirational ("We can do anything, guys! Let's make our voice heard!"), the sidetracked ("Bomer was only rejected because he's gay!") to the laden with inexplicable portmanteaus ("I'm completely Graysessed!").

Apparently I had completely underestimated how badly America wanted to see Rory Gilmore tied up and spanked while delivering cheesy dialogue. Is there such thing as a cheesy dialogue fetish? That would explain a lot about Fifty Shades. Y'all are sick.

Sick, sick, sick.

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

The Lead Actress in "50 Shades" Is Younger than Beth and Louise

Well, not much younger, at least. This is deeply disconcerting to us, though, as this seems to indicate that we are, in fact, now old.

Let the record show that neither Beth nor Louise has ever read Fifty Shades of Grey, except out loud to the other one, with alcohol, laughing hysterically. We fancy ourselves as rather literary ladies, even if we're old ones.

Is "Divergent" The Next Hunger Games????

Well, since every other attempt the Next Big Thing in young adult smash hits, we're gonna go out on a limb and say "no."

At any rate, there's a trailer out for Divergent and you can find it here. We're predicting that the average moviegoer will be pretty satiated on movies set in dystopian futures with strong female leads shot in a blue-gray color palate this fall, but hey, you can try.

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

Doom, Gloom, And Godawful Book Adaptations

Oh look, a waif!

Continuing our theme of movies that we are already sure will be terrible, the trailer for The Book Thief is live. You can watch it here. The real trouble starts when the voiceovers begin.

We had similar trepidation last year about the adaptation of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, an incredibly voice-driven novel with a remarkable narrator and truly inventive flashbacks of the father (we cried for days after the Sixth Borrow chapter... we're not totally heartless). The movie trailer, however, indicated that the original story had been effectively neutered into a feel-good spin on a monumental human tragedy, which is already a pretty odious concept in our book. Apparently, the critics agreed, and Extremely Loud was panned. 

If the trailer is any indication, The Book Thief is shaping up to be an equally disappointing, toothless adaptation of the original. The darkness afforded by the book's narrator, Death himself, is completely absent in the trailer. The voiceovers indicate that the morals will be as cheesy as they are ill-defined ("Words will inspire her! Courage will guide her!") and the trailer itself pretty adeptly telegraphs the fact that this movie has nothing to brag about. Cheeck out the title card "From the studio that brought you Life of Pi," which means nothing, plus the boast that the "book was called brilliant," which says nothing about the movie itself.

In our first podcast we talked about how much we hate uplifting human interest war stories, and this looks poised to scrape the sugary bottom of the simpering barrel. We're calling it now -- this movie will be this year's universally-disliked Oscar grubber you'll find in your bargain bin at Wal-Mart next June. We're reading the book instead.

Not pictured: childlike innocence, boundless hope, and the triumph of the human spirit.

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!

Podcast Episode 1 - The Movies We Hate the Most

In the first episode of the podcast, cranky critics Beth and Louise look at the movies they hate the most, and what constitutes a truly hate-worthy, disappointing movie.

For more Beth and Louise, follow us on Twitter at @BandLHateMovies or subscribe to the podcast. Give us a rating and leave a comment on iTunes!