We Were Just Thinking that the Internet Needed Some More Angry Embittered Opinions

If Rottentomatoes.com can be trusted, the general consensus among Americans today is that most movies, as a rule, suck. It is late July, 2013. It has been a notable summer in the eyes of many entertainment writers, not because the movies that came out in the summer of 2013 were absolutely terrible (that comes standard), but because the absolutely terrible movies didn't make a ton of money (this part is surprising). 2013, say many movie critics, has been the year of the apocalyptic destruction movie. Films like Iron Man 3, Star Trek: Into Darkness, Man of Steel, and Pacific Rim have all trundled into theaters featuring constipated run times and extended sequences of ruin and chaos. Cities are leveled, heroes and villains fistfight in midair, giant robots swing battleships like swords (thanks for that, Pacific Rim), and waste is laid in excess across the computer-generated cities of the U.S. and beyond.

This has been the summer of the loud, megabudget blockbuster, say the critics.

Which caused us, Beth and Louise, to look back at 2012 (The Avengers, Prometheus, The Dark Knight Rises) and say, "Hang on, wasn't that last summer, too?"

Christmas is no less repetitive. In the race to scoop up Oscars with Hollywood's proven formulas, the slated releases in December often look like the regurgitated, reanimated pieces of whatever made money and won awards in the years before. There are your period pieces, your maudlin dramas, your movie musicals, your classy versions of summer blockbusters (seriously, how did Avatar get nominated for Best Picture?), your quirky comedies, and your third-rate book adaptations. You read for months about the excitement and interest surrounding a certain picture, you see the trailers on TV and think it looks worthwhile, you scrape together whatever they're charging you to go to the cinema these days, you go and watch the damn thing for two and a half friggin hours, and you leave, disappointed. You are always disappointed. Slumdog Millionaire lost its way in the second half. The Hurt Locker felt unfocused and muddy. Crash had as many improbable plot twists as Lost (except, to be fair, Crash came out in the summer), and The King's Speech was polite and pleasant but nothing to tell your friends about. It's an unlikely occurrence that the winner of Best Picture is the most outstanding film of the year. More often that not, it's a Best Picture, but not a great film.

And of course spring and fall are where the really ill-conceived pictures go to die.

So why do we bother? Every year we, Beth and Louise, see dozens of movies. We watch them together and we watch them alone. We go to matinees and midnight releases. We bike to the Redbox and stream them on our laptops. We devour Netflix television series and salivate over upcoming releases. We watch trailers. We read reviews. We read the reports from film festivals. We call each other and talk about everything we've seen and everything we're going to see.

Why? We're obsessed.

Because for every twenty films you see and detest, for every dozen you swear you'll never watch again,  for every movie you warn your friends to never, ever, ever spend a minute or sent on, you see one that makes it all worthwhile. Those are the movies that keep you coming back for more. And if you aren't willing to suck it up and sift through the garbage, you never know what treasures you might miss.

We are here to take a little guesswork out of the crapshoot of cinema. We watch movies, we research directors, we pick apart genres, and we write about them. If we find something great, we'll tell you, and when we find stuff to avoid, we'll also let you know. Don't worry. We'll take the cinematic bullets for you. We'll let you know when a Smurfs 2 or a Sucker Punch comes out. We've got you covered.

We're Beth and Louise. We hate movies.